OK...so this is what happens when I write and then post as soon as I finish...I forget all the things. So I'm adding a post script (aka P.S.) to my last post. If you haven't read it yet, you might want to start there and then come back here.
P.S. Before I even turned the last page in Looking for Lovely I purchased a copy from Amazon. Because I knew I was going to need it in my life and I was going to need to read it over and over and over again. And because I need to let some people borrow it. Or I'm going to force some people to read it.
P.P.S. I know I said I wasn't trying to rip off Annie F. Downs...but I totally am. So, Annie...if you ever find yourself reading my piddly blog, please know that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
P.P.P.S. In my post, I mentioned that I started walking April 2nd and I want to clear this up for you folks living in NC. I am not walking at that little park near my work right now. Because highs in the 90's + 1000% humidity are not my thing. But I plan to return once the temps and the humidity lower a bit.
Now that I have that all out of the way...
I have been watching an adoption unfold on Instagram and it has been the loveliest of stories. Sometime after I returned from my first mission trip to Armenia, I stumbled upon an Instagram account that I fell in love with. I literally spent the next 2 hours looking at every post, reading every caption, crying over sweet babes that had been abandoned and given hope. Sometimes their happy ever after story was found here on earth...sometimes in the arms of Jesus. Watching these little lives come and go has been such a bittersweet and beautiful journey. I've laughed...I've cried...I've sat in awe at the stories that God has woven together. Truly amazing.
I don't know when Toby arrived at Morning Star...it seems that he has been there forever. A tiny warrior with a broken heart, both physically and emotionally. He was declared "inoperable" by Chinese standards...so a team from America came and gave hope to this sweet boy. He is brother to Theo and Chara and all of the other babies at Morning Star. And over the last 2 weeks or so, I've watched his story change as he has gone from abandoned and orphaned to loved and wanted and adored. The truly amazing part is that I've been able to see both sides - from the side of those who are releasing him into the arms of a loving adoptive family and from the side of that loving adoptive family receiving him into their family. Forever theirs.
And it has been beautiful. And heart breaking. All at the same time.
Because while he has gained a forever family to care for him and to love him, he leaves behind the only true family he has known in his little life. Brothers and sisters and Ayi's and Meredith's...people who are not biological family any more than his adoptive family, but family nonetheless.
I have always loved the picture that adoption paints. People choosing to love a child forever...not because biology says they must, but because they want to. I know people on all sides of adoption...and no matter what, the story always contains loss and gain. Love and heartache. Beauty and sadness. Release and redemption. A picture of God's release of His Son Jesus to be our redemption. The choice on both sides to allow one who didn't belong, who was abandoned, who had no claim to be a part of a family to become completely a part of a new family...to belong and to be loved.
I don't deserve God's love, grace, kindness, redemption...but I've received it. I received it because I believed and I chose to accept all of these things...knowing they weren't what I deserved but what God wanted to me to have.
And that is a lovely picture to behold.
Monday, July 23, 2018
Monday, July 16, 2018
Looking for {my own} lovely
I haven't been in this space for a while...evidently since Christmas. But I should be. Because I have a lot of words swirling around in my brain that need to come out.
Several months ago, April 2nd to be exact, I started walking at lunch. There's a little park very close to my office that has a really nice walking trail. And very few people are there during the day. While I was walking, I began listening to podcasts. I put out a call on Facebook for some podcast suggestions and one that I really enjoy is Relevant podcast. I've always enjoyed what one of my former co-workers & I refer to as "mindless banter" (also a nod to a line Julia Roberts says in Notting Hill) and that's what this feels like to me. I mean it's not completely mindless...but there can be some of that. Take for instance one of their episodes from last week. It was almost 30 minutes of two of the hosts sharing an experience they had at the David Copperfield show in Las Vegas. It was greatness.
At any rate, one of the hosts is Annie F. Downs, who also has her own podcast. So, I started listening to hers as well. And I have found my new virtual BFF. I love her Instagram and her words, both spoken and written. Her podcasts have made me come face to face with some things that I've been struggling with. It's been good and hard and so wonderful to my heart and soul.
She just recently (like within the last year or so) published a 100-day devotional called 100 Days to Brave. I picked it up in May and have been participating in 100 Days to Brave Summer (as she has dubbed it). It's been good and hard and so wonderful for my heart and soul.
I decided I wanted to read one of her books; so I checked the library and I believe the only one they had was Looking for Lovely. I requested it...it came...I started it on Friday and finished it Sunday afternoon.
And it was good and hard and wonderful for my heart and soul as well.
**Also, I WEPT through the first section as she described her descent into "the broken crazy" because it felt familiar and maybe hit a little too close to home.**
The takeaway that I got from the book was that when she began to look for God in everything, not just the "super spiritual", she began to have a perspective shift. As Christians, we have so often put God into the box that says He can only work through quote unquote spiritual songs, books, etc. That the only words He ever gave come in the Bible. Now hear me say...He is SO there. 100%. Completely. BUT, He is in so much more than just the Bible or Christian music or Christian books. Are some songs and books more God-honoring that others? Absolutely. But what we are talking about here is a perspective shift...looking for God in everything and not just reserving Him to our Sunday morning worship service.
So, I've decided. Over the next few weeks, or however long it takes, I'm going to look for my own lovely. I'm going to share the places and things and events where I've seen God. I'm going to look for {my own} lovely (because I don't want to totally rip off Annie F. Downs) and I'm going for a perspective shift.
For the past few years, I've felt like I'm constantly yo-yoing between struggle and joy. There's been a lot of highs & lows and very little of middle ground. There's been some big things going on in my life, both in the seen and the unseen. Maybe some of the swinging back and forth has to do more with my perspective and focus and less to do with the actual events transpiring. My hope and prayer is that in looking for my own lovely, I will begin to heal from the hurts...be strengthened...and be a better vessel for God to use.
I hope you will hang on and check back with me. I know words aren't everybody's "thing" but they are mine. I love to read them, to write them, to hear them, and to sing them. And maybe, just maybe, you will find your own lovely too.
Several months ago, April 2nd to be exact, I started walking at lunch. There's a little park very close to my office that has a really nice walking trail. And very few people are there during the day. While I was walking, I began listening to podcasts. I put out a call on Facebook for some podcast suggestions and one that I really enjoy is Relevant podcast. I've always enjoyed what one of my former co-workers & I refer to as "mindless banter" (also a nod to a line Julia Roberts says in Notting Hill) and that's what this feels like to me. I mean it's not completely mindless...but there can be some of that. Take for instance one of their episodes from last week. It was almost 30 minutes of two of the hosts sharing an experience they had at the David Copperfield show in Las Vegas. It was greatness.
At any rate, one of the hosts is Annie F. Downs, who also has her own podcast. So, I started listening to hers as well. And I have found my new virtual BFF. I love her Instagram and her words, both spoken and written. Her podcasts have made me come face to face with some things that I've been struggling with. It's been good and hard and so wonderful to my heart and soul.
She just recently (like within the last year or so) published a 100-day devotional called 100 Days to Brave. I picked it up in May and have been participating in 100 Days to Brave Summer (as she has dubbed it). It's been good and hard and so wonderful for my heart and soul.
I decided I wanted to read one of her books; so I checked the library and I believe the only one they had was Looking for Lovely. I requested it...it came...I started it on Friday and finished it Sunday afternoon.
And it was good and hard and wonderful for my heart and soul as well.
**Also, I WEPT through the first section as she described her descent into "the broken crazy" because it felt familiar and maybe hit a little too close to home.**
The takeaway that I got from the book was that when she began to look for God in everything, not just the "super spiritual", she began to have a perspective shift. As Christians, we have so often put God into the box that says He can only work through quote unquote spiritual songs, books, etc. That the only words He ever gave come in the Bible. Now hear me say...He is SO there. 100%. Completely. BUT, He is in so much more than just the Bible or Christian music or Christian books. Are some songs and books more God-honoring that others? Absolutely. But what we are talking about here is a perspective shift...looking for God in everything and not just reserving Him to our Sunday morning worship service.
So, I've decided. Over the next few weeks, or however long it takes, I'm going to look for my own lovely. I'm going to share the places and things and events where I've seen God. I'm going to look for {my own} lovely (because I don't want to totally rip off Annie F. Downs) and I'm going for a perspective shift.
For the past few years, I've felt like I'm constantly yo-yoing between struggle and joy. There's been a lot of highs & lows and very little of middle ground. There's been some big things going on in my life, both in the seen and the unseen. Maybe some of the swinging back and forth has to do more with my perspective and focus and less to do with the actual events transpiring. My hope and prayer is that in looking for my own lovely, I will begin to heal from the hurts...be strengthened...and be a better vessel for God to use.
I hope you will hang on and check back with me. I know words aren't everybody's "thing" but they are mine. I love to read them, to write them, to hear them, and to sing them. And maybe, just maybe, you will find your own lovely too.
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