{Falling Apart}

Sometimes you just have to "fall apart".

And this afternoon was the afternoon for me to do so.

For the most part, I was having a perfectly good Monday...for a Monday, you know.

And then around 3pm I received an e-mail that began a downward spiral that ended with me sitting on my couch, falling apart.

I am not a cryer...I don't like to cry. I don't like to show weakness to anyone. I think I'm an ugly cryer, also. I don't cry pretty...it's more like a scrunched up face with tears running down my cheeks. Nothing "pretty" about that. 

But sometimes it's a necessary part of the process.

I don't feel better...I won't even lie.

But I know that tomorrow is a new day, with new worries, with new celebrations.

And in the midst of me falling apart, almost minutes after I had checked Oliver's blog for updates on his progress...my sister sent me the sweetest picture of this baby...off his ventilator and smiling for the camera.

A new set of tears began.

For now, I'm doing what I tell our teens at church - I'm clinging to the promises that I have in God's word. It's amazing...just this morning I commented on Facebook about a recurring theme of "do not fear, for I will be with you". There were no less than three people who had posted one of the many times this is said in the Bible. Just recently I finished reading Deuteronomy & I'm in Joshua right now...over and over and over again Moses & Joshua repeat this command for the Israelites.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"And the Lord said to Joshua, "Do not fear them, for I have delivered them into your hand; not a man of them shall stand before you." Joshua 1:8

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the One who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

And this one from Isaiah:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:1

OK God - I've got it.

I mean, I might mess up and forget again in less than 12 hours...but I've got it.

And I'd just like to say "Thanks"...

Because I know I don't have this on my own.