A few weeks ago...maybe before Christmas...Alyson was in my room. Taped to my mirror are a couple of things...my favorite all time Bible verse (Isaiah 43:1)...pix of my favorite twins...and (until about a week ago) a list of goals that I set for myself in 2012 - no that's not a typo...I really set them in 2012 and then decided in 2013 to just continue working toward accomplishing those goals. She began to go down the list of things that weren't marked off, asking if I had done them. For the most part, I had not. I'm not upset about that, but I really wanted to do something better for 2014.
I don't make resolutions as a general rule. I would prefer to set goals for myself and then move forward. I have made 2014 goals as well...but they aren't taped to my mirror. They ARE, however, written in my prayer book. I'm hoping that will help me to pray over them...allow God to help me achieve these goals.
One of my goals has been to get in the habit of a quiet time for at least 5 days out of the week. Now, I can tell you that I am good for at least 4...I know that sounds weird...and really & truly I should be better than that. I like to do my quiet time in the evenings. I've tried the mornings, but I feel like I sleep through my Bible reading and prayer time...so evenings work best for me...sort of. Monday through Thursday, as a general rule, are fine. I carve out time sometime between 8pm & 10pm...spend time in my room (usually with ear plugs trying to drown out the TV in the living room - my house is small!) and for the most part, I do pretty well at keeping this.
I say this as I have struggled this week to keep up with it and haven't been as faithful as I should. ;)
I did slack off over Christmas in keeping up with my quiet time...and did it so unintentionally that it was a week or so before I even realized I had done so. It's amazing how little things can build up to get in the way of what we really need to do...and we can just forget it so easily.
So, come January 2nd...I got back on the "bandwagon" and started back in my quiet time. It was during that very quiet time that God spoke a word to me that He wanted me to focus on for 2014...
I trust God...sort of. I often, though, let my very human nature get in the way and take over for God. I mean, He can't really have time for all of my small, miniscule problems when there are people with cancer...or other life threatening illnesses...or things that are much bigger than me praying over my backdoor not leaking (which is does from time to time).
But the reality is...HE DOES!
And it's not my job to decide what God does or does not have time for...it's my job to TRUST.
2013 was not a bad year...it really wasn't. I saw God work in HUGE ways. I also felt my share of struggles. For a time, I would overcome one hurdle...only to have another pop up and smack me in the face. I wondered if I would EVER get past it all. And to top it off, the reality of Dylan's senior year and all that entails hit me square in the face.
And while there a few things I would change about 2013 if it was in my power (i.e. I wouldn't have made sweet Oliver go through 2 heart surgeries in 2 weeks at 6 weeks of age...I wouldn't have allowed my friend Casey & her family to be in a head on collision that she is STILL recovering from...I wouldn't have let my friend Kim fall out of that golf cart and hit her head so hard that she almost died - but Praise GOD is recovering)...but I know that all these things are working together for God's glory.
And it has set me up to be ready to work on TRUST.
So, for the entirety of 2014...when I begin to doubt God and doubt what He is able to do for me and in my life...I'm whispering the word TRUST. I'm praying the verses from Proverbs 3:4-5 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." I'm working to TRUST God not just in the big things...but in the smallest things.
And in the place of my 2012 Goals, I have taped a card that says TRUST & includes the Proverbs verses to remind me every day that He has this...and I need to TRUST in Him.
So far...He hasn't let me down.
And I don't expect Him to.