One Year Gone...Another Beginning

Here we are on the eve of a new year...and, as many others are certainly doing, I've been reflecting on 2014.

It was a BIG year...a crazy BIG year.

Probably the biggest year for me since 1996.

In January, I wrote a post on a word that God had given me for 2014 - TRUST. And let me say, this has been an interesting journey.

At the beginning of 2014, I had plans. Plans for the year. Things already in the books. Dylan's graduation, follow up trip, leaving for college, etc.

But I could not have even FATHOMED what 2014 was actually going to bring.

Nor how much I would be leaning on that word TRUST.

When my heart was breaking because I just knew that Dylan would move far, far away from me for school...I whispered "trust".

When I looked at my bank account and wasn't quite sure how we were going to make it to the next week..."trust".

When I was lying in bed mulling over every little thing in my life at 3am..."trust".

And just like that...God came through every time.

The school thing, I admit, was the hardest for me. How in the world could I imagine the person I had wrapped my entire life around for 18 years living 9 hours from me? I remember grieving over this thought before the decision had even been made.

And finally, one day, I just had to give it up. I had to trust. I had to say "God if you want him in Florida, then I have to know that You are going to make this OK for me."

Although, I have to say...I'm extremely thankful that God & I were on the same page about keeping him in North Carolina. ;)

Ultimately on the school thing...I just prayed that God would make it crystal clear where He wanted Dylan.

Boy, did He.

I don't think I'll ever forget the day that the envelope came from Wake Forest...I didn't even open it...I gave it to Dylan to open it. He just looked at it...didn't say a word...and handed it to me.

Oh, by the way, he had already committed to High Point University. We'd paid the deposit.

I looked...and couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Basically after it was all said & done, his college would be paid for. With very little loan money. All grants.  All scholarships.  I basically couldn't afford to NOT send him to Wake.

It took a little more time for everything to process for Dylan. For me, the final decision was made. For Dylan, he wanted to consider. But a day later, he said "get the deposit back from HPU" and...here we are.

Dylan has completed his first semester at Wake. He has made friends. He has adjusted somewhat (I think there's more of that to come). He did well in his first semester. And in about 13 days from now, he'll start with his second semester.

Sometimes trust is easy...but often times it's hard. It's hard to trust that everything is going to turn out OK when we can't see the end. This year, I've definitely learned a lot. And my God has never been proven un-trustworthy. Which I kind of knew...but needed to be reminded.

I don't know what my word for 2015 is going to be yet. I have a few rolling around in my head, but I'm waiting to see what word God gives me.

But I do know that I can't wait to see what it is...and what He has in store for me this year.

Happy New Year!

2014 - Year of TRUST

A few weeks ago...maybe before Christmas...Alyson was in my room.  Taped to my mirror are a couple of things...my favorite all time Bible verse (Isaiah 43:1)...pix of my favorite twins...and (until about a week ago) a list of goals that I set for myself in 2012 - no that's not a typo...I really set them in 2012 and then decided in 2013 to just continue working toward accomplishing those goals.  She began to go down the list of things that weren't marked off, asking if I had done them.  For the most part, I had not.  I'm not upset about that, but I really wanted to do something better for 2014.

I don't make resolutions as a general rule.  I would prefer to set goals for myself and then move forward.  I have made 2014 goals as well...but they aren't taped to my mirror.  They ARE, however, written in my prayer book.  I'm hoping that will help me to pray over them...allow God to help me achieve these goals.

One of my goals has been to get in the habit of a quiet time for at least 5 days out of the week.  Now, I can tell you that I am good for at least 4...I know that sounds weird...and really & truly I should be better than that.  I like to do my quiet time in the evenings.  I've tried the mornings, but I feel like I sleep through my Bible reading and prayer time...so evenings work best for me...sort of.  Monday through Thursday, as a general rule, are fine.  I carve out time sometime between 8pm & 10pm...spend time in my room (usually with ear plugs trying to drown out the TV in the living room - my house is small!) and for the most part, I do pretty well at keeping this.

I say this as I have struggled this week to keep up with it and haven't been as faithful as I should. ;)

I did slack off over Christmas in keeping up with my quiet time...and did it so unintentionally that it was a week or so before I even realized I had done so.  It's amazing how little things can build up to get in the way of what we really need to do...and we can just forget it so easily. 

So, come January 2nd...I got back on the "bandwagon" and started back in my quiet time.  It was during that very quiet time that God spoke a word to me that He wanted me to focus on for 2014...

TRUST

I trust God...sort of.  I often, though, let my very human nature get in the way and take over for God. I mean, He can't really have time for all of my small, miniscule problems when there are people with cancer...or other life threatening illnesses...or things that are much bigger than me praying over my backdoor not leaking (which is does from time to time).

But the reality is...HE DOES!

And it's not my job to decide what God does or does not have time for...it's my job to TRUST.

2013 was not a bad year...it really wasn't.  I saw God work in HUGE ways.  I also felt my share of struggles.  For a time, I would overcome one hurdle...only to have another pop up and smack me in the face.  I wondered if I would EVER get past it all.  And to top it off, the reality of Dylan's senior year and all that entails hit me square in the face.

And while there a few things I would change about 2013 if it was in my power (i.e. I wouldn't have made sweet Oliver go through 2 heart surgeries in 2 weeks at 6 weeks of age...I wouldn't have allowed my friend Casey & her family to be in a head on collision that she is STILL recovering from...I wouldn't have let my friend Kim fall out of that golf cart and hit her head so hard that she almost died - but Praise GOD is recovering)...but I know that all these things are working together for God's glory.

And it has set me up to be ready to work on TRUST.

So, for the entirety of 2014...when I begin to doubt God and doubt what He is able to do for me and in my life...I'm whispering the word TRUST.  I'm praying the verses from Proverbs 3:4-5 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."  I'm working to TRUST God not just in the big things...but in the smallest things.

And in the place of my 2012 Goals, I have taped a card that says TRUST & includes the Proverbs verses to remind me every day that He has this...and I need to TRUST in Him.

So far...He hasn't let me down.

And I don't expect Him to.