This title is a true statement. For some of you, giving up coffee for 31 days doesn't seem like a huge deal...but for me it was.
I love coffee. I love drinking coffee. I love the smell of coffee. I'm thankful for the huge caffeine boost coffee gives me most days.
I've been drinking coffee since I was a child. There is a story that my great-grandmother gave me coffee in a bottle. I always envisioned this as little baby me, nursing on a bottle at under a year old. This vision was shattered when my mom told me I was closer to 2. But that's still a young age, no matter what.
But I gave it up...and some other things too.
Why?
Because my world had become increasingly "loud"...busy...overstimulating. And I needed to cut through the noise and get some peace and some focus.
This year I've struggled with decisions - big & small. Things that shouldn't be a hard choice I made harder by over-analyzing and over thinking. I kept coming back to this idea of fasting. Removing some of the "junk" that was taking up the space in my mind. But I put it off...and then put it off again...and once more. Finally in September I was struggling with a decision and I said "OK...I'm putting some of this stuff to rest...I'm going to re-focus." I decided October would be the month. I wanted a full month - 1st to 31st.
I began to make a list of the things that consume my time & that I had made essential that weren't truly essential. And I decided to forego them all, for the most part. I made some concessions beforehand...I'll describe below...but this is the list that came to me - the things I felt like I needed to give up:
1 - Coffee - I will not tell you again how much I love coffee but I do. And I knew that I could not truly fast without giving this up. I would also like to say that I handled this like a trooper...but I have people (or really just one person) who would be able to tell you I didn't. In fact, I'm actually starting this post a few days before the end of the month and on this very day, giving up coffee was the hardest. I literally could smell someone's coffee from the basement of our office wafting up to my office. The fact that I didn't attack said person for the coffee should be commended, though. And what did I learn from leaving coffee out of my day to day? That I go to sleep much earlier.
2 - ALL beverages except water & green tea - I don't actually drink a lot of other beverages other than coffee & water, but I did give up occasional soft drinks as well. I allowed green tea because I need a little caffeine and because of the health benefits. I did have one cup of wild orange tea & one cup of lemonade at a vendor event where they didn't offer water.
3 - TV - I will be honest...Netflix consumes a great deal of my time. I usually have something on when I'm in the house, I fall asleep watching TV, and a Netflix binge is one of my favorite ways to pass a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Instead, during this month I listened to music & podcasts, read a lot, and kept up to date (for the most part) on my Bible reading. I'm seriously considering limiting my TV time to Saturday's & Sunday's. For the most part, this wasn't terribly hard, but I did have a day toward the end of the month that was blah and I really wanted to watch something that was an "easy" watch. Also, I ended this a little early...I wanted to watch Hocus Pocus before Halloween...so I did. But the TV went off right after that.
**Before I began my fast, I did make concessions on weekends when D was at the house. We watch TV together a lot and he's not fasting. So, I didn't want to disappear & leave him by himself when he was watching something. This was the only time I allowed myself to forego the TV fast...but often I was reading while he was watching.
4 - Sweets, desserts, candy - My lunch & dinner are not complete without a little dessert - candy, cookies, cake, what have you. These should be non-essentials & special occasions, but I've made them a necessity. So I cut them out. This one didn't go *quite* as well, though. I had already made concessions for the two birthdays that I knew I'd be celebrating during October - life is too short to NOT have birthday cake; however, I made 5 cakes during the month of October, one of which was a chocolate pound cake for D. I needed to taste it...twice. ;) Instead of sweets, I tried to make sure I had sweet fruits in the house - i.e. grapes - to give me that "sweet" taste.
5 - Facebook & Instagram - I knew if I wanted to give this up, I would have to physically delete the apps from my phone. I am embarrassed to tell you the level of anxiety I felt when I went to bed on September 30th & deleted those apps. So many thoughts went through my head...how will I know what's going on with all my Facebook friends? What if I miss something? And as I battled these thoughts, a growing thought overtook them all...that this obsession with 24/7 information is why I needed to give them up. So I deleted the apps...not my accounts. I did reinstall Instagram to post a little birthday wish for my nephew, which I shared to Facebook as well, but I deleted it as soon as it was posted. The only other time I was on Facebook was for company stuff (I'm an admin on our company page) or if that was the website for a business I was looking for information. I knew this was were the most traffic & noise in my mind was coming from. They had to go. I realized, though, very quickly that this is where I get all of my information - news (both real & fake) on world events. So, I had to look to other avenues for news information. I also realized that this was my "go to" when I was bored. Sometimes it was what I was doing when I should be engaging with people. And for these reasons, I knew it needed to go.
This past month has really been amazing. There were two things I was considering for next year & trying to figure out how to fit them in because hey...I'm gonna have a graduate in May & we need to celebrate that! I have peace that one needs to be left for now...the other needed a "yes". There are still some things that I need resolution on, but I feel like the answer isn't for right now. And I'm OK with that.
Overall, though, I've enjoyed the quiet. And I know that means I need to let some of these things rest more in my life. I need to stop allowing Facebook & Instagram...as well as Netflix...have such a huge hold in my life. Most of all, I am thankful for the peace that I've gained in some areas of my life.
So, now...I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee. ;)
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Thursday, November 2, 2017
Thursday, June 22, 2017
The Struggle
This post may be long...in fact, I may split it in two. And I have to go ahead & qualify, some of this is going to be vague...because while there are things that didn't happen to me directly they impacted me greatly. But they are not my stories to tell or they aren't the stories that I can tell right now. And finally, this post is going to be a little raw...a little transparent...a little hard to put "out there" and even harder to know that people are going to read it; however, I think it's important. And I've had these words swirling around in my brain for months...they demand to be put down on paper...or computer screen...or what have you...
So here goes...
In 2015 I participated in 2 missions trips...both extremely life changing. In ways that I couldn't have even imagined. The effects of these combined trips have affected my life from henceforth and, I believe, directly altered the path of my life...in so many good ways. There will be more to this in the future...but for right now, vagueness #1. ;)
In coming back from Armenia the first time, I struggled. Struggled with seeing the world from a different viewpoint...struggled with reconciling my life here in the US after being out of the country...and, quite honestly, struggled to regain a normal sleep schedule after crossing basically 8 time zones. Jet lag is serious business & a monster that almost took me under. I could not sleep regularly for about 2 months. I don't really know if it was the jet lag or just the combined stuggles...but this was a tough period in my life. Jet lag is the only thing I really remember about the time period other than a small bit of depression. There were days that I had to make lists...like a chore list - do laundry, paint toe nails, watch this show - or I would just sit in a chair & stare at the TV aimlessly until I felt it was sufficient time to go to bed...and not sleep. Slowly, the fog lifted and life became "easier"...you know, as easy is life can really be. God had already been working to reveal some pretty major things in my life BEFORE I went on this trip...all good stuff...and He was continuing to work in my life.
Early in 2016, I committed for another trip to NYC & then with Dylan to Armenia. But what was more significant was the awareness that God was asking me to leave the Children's Ministry at our church. It was bizarre to me...and I truly struggled. I didn't understand. Children's Ministry had been my passion for as long as I could remember. I had been serving in one capacity or another in our children's ministry since the day they told me I could be a nursery worker...at 13 or 14. I had taught Sunday School, Children's Choir, worked in Children's Church...and I felt like that's where God had gifted me...but all of the sudden, He said "It's time to go." So, in June of 2016, I taught my last Clubhouse lesson and said farewell to Children's Ministry.
I don't find it coincidental at all that our church began to discuss hiring a Children's (& Youth) Minister as I was struggling to determine how God could ask me to give up this ministry. It was the confirmation to me that I wasn't mistaking what God was telling me; but it was still confusing to me.
When someone has their identity so tied up in a ministry, even if they aren't a "full time minister", leaving that ministry is hard. Even when God says to go. All of the sudden, I didn't really have a "place" in our church. And as much as I struggled to leave children's ministry, it was a struggle to find a new identity within my church. I re-joined our church's Praise Team because this was something I had done before I completely committed to children's ministry service full time on Sunday mornings. It was the one thing that I had missed so much and was so excited to come back to. I love music...I love God speaking to me through music. But once again, I struggled...I struggled with insecurity about my place in this team...even if I should be doing this. It was a hard place...
In October of 2016, I found out some news that left me reeling. Vagueness #2 coming your way. This one is certainly not my story to tell, but the impact of this left me hollow...grieving for a loss that I couldn't comprehend...that I couldn't wrap my mind around. This began a hard season in my life...watching, waiting, praying, hoping, etc, etc, etc.
As we moved into 2017, my aunt lost her fight with cancer. I simply had no idea how the loss of her life was going to impact me so greatly. The loss was bittersweet - no more suffering, in the arms of Jesus...but the loss on earth was a tough one. She left behind children and grandchildren that will miss her dearly...but she also left a legacy of literally hundreds of children that were taught by her as 4 & 5 year old children. She had been passionate about children's ministry for the majority of her life. My small 25 years or so in children's ministry paled in comparison to her 40+ years in children's ministry. It's not a contest...and that's not my point. But as I looked across her grandchildren, my eyes continually found James...the baby...the one who would not have the benefit of his MawMaw West. And I grieved for the loss that he would never understand.
The same weekend of my aunt's funeral, my car "died" for lack of a better word...which launched me into about 4 months of waiting, looking, trying to find a new (to me) car, and a lot of frustration.
As 2017 has continued, I have struggled in many ways...but I would be remiss if I didn't also mention the victories. In January, we were awaiting word on Dylan's scholarships. His sophomore year was tough...he had his own struggles but just slipped by with the minimum required GPA for his scholarship to renew...and it only renewed for the Fall semester pending his performance in the Fall. He worked hard & I know it sounds sappy (because he told me so) but I was so proud of him. He gave it all he could...and if he wasn't able to continue, he was OK with that. There was a small back up plan that would keep him in school, but it wasn't one we wanted to go to.
On January 4th, I received his statement...where I had been expecting about $4500 to be due for him to continue, his statement was showing double that. I remember sitting on my bed, praying & weeping. I had no idea how we were going to make this happen. One thing I noticed, though, was that his loans were not showing against the balance...which made up the difference between what I was expecting & what was shown. I emailed Financial Services and received the explanation that the statement was dated January 1...the loans hadn't been applied yet, but if I looked at my "daily status" I would see that they were applied. I logged on and about fell out of my chair. Instead of the $4500 due, Dylan's account showed a $500 credit. Not only had the loans applied, but his scholarships had renewed.
Later in February, I was able to sell my "dead" car to a lady who had offered to buy my car several times. I didn't get what I could've gotten for an "alive" car, but I got enough to pay off Dylan's car a year early. And in May, I was able to buy a new-to-me car that is just amazing.
So, why do I share all of this?
Because I'm still struggling...day in, day out. There have been victories...but there has still been grief & disappointment...heartache...sadness...pain...etc...etc...etc.
And I see others around me struggling as well. And I guess I want them to know...they aren't alone.
Even if...God is still good.
This is something that has been resonating with me lately. A month or so ago, I was heavily into the life of David. I listened to Andy Stanley's messages about the life of David and in my own personal Bible reading (oh yeah...I've struggled with this too) I was reading about the life of David at the same time. I have been fascinated with David. "A man after God's own heart"...certainly not a perfect man...and that's what has caught my attention & made me just sit in awe of David. Even before he "messed up royally" with Bathsheba, David's life wasn't easy. David was anointed as the next King of Israel while another king was still on the throne...another King that David not only respected, but went up against a giant to honor the King & rid Israel of this enemy. Later, David is hunted down by this same King who is jealous of David. And I have to wonder...when David was running for his life from King Saul...when he was hiding in other countries...hiding in the very cave where King Saul came in to "do his business"...knowing the whole time that God had called him to more...I think David must have struggled himself. In fact, I'm fairly certain of it when you read the Psalms. David was a man after God's own heart...but I know from the book of Psalms that he often wondered where God was in the midst of his struggle. BUT over & over, David reminds himself...and now us thousands of years later...that his trust is in the Lord. The Lord who brought victory over the giant...the Lord who has promised to bring him to the other side of this...the Lord who surely protected him from King Saul...and finally made him victorious over King Saul.
Even if...He is good.
Even through my struggles...I'm reminded that God has brought me through so much that I can't NOT believe that He has left me in this. Every day I pray (or as often as I pray...because, you guessed it...struggle) that God will use these struggles to refine me...to strengthen me...to make me a woman after His own heart.
And I'm clinging to the fact that God's goodness is not dependent on me or my circumstances...but His goodness is constant. Even if...
So here goes...
In 2015 I participated in 2 missions trips...both extremely life changing. In ways that I couldn't have even imagined. The effects of these combined trips have affected my life from henceforth and, I believe, directly altered the path of my life...in so many good ways. There will be more to this in the future...but for right now, vagueness #1. ;)
In coming back from Armenia the first time, I struggled. Struggled with seeing the world from a different viewpoint...struggled with reconciling my life here in the US after being out of the country...and, quite honestly, struggled to regain a normal sleep schedule after crossing basically 8 time zones. Jet lag is serious business & a monster that almost took me under. I could not sleep regularly for about 2 months. I don't really know if it was the jet lag or just the combined stuggles...but this was a tough period in my life. Jet lag is the only thing I really remember about the time period other than a small bit of depression. There were days that I had to make lists...like a chore list - do laundry, paint toe nails, watch this show - or I would just sit in a chair & stare at the TV aimlessly until I felt it was sufficient time to go to bed...and not sleep. Slowly, the fog lifted and life became "easier"...you know, as easy is life can really be. God had already been working to reveal some pretty major things in my life BEFORE I went on this trip...all good stuff...and He was continuing to work in my life.
Early in 2016, I committed for another trip to NYC & then with Dylan to Armenia. But what was more significant was the awareness that God was asking me to leave the Children's Ministry at our church. It was bizarre to me...and I truly struggled. I didn't understand. Children's Ministry had been my passion for as long as I could remember. I had been serving in one capacity or another in our children's ministry since the day they told me I could be a nursery worker...at 13 or 14. I had taught Sunday School, Children's Choir, worked in Children's Church...and I felt like that's where God had gifted me...but all of the sudden, He said "It's time to go." So, in June of 2016, I taught my last Clubhouse lesson and said farewell to Children's Ministry.
I don't find it coincidental at all that our church began to discuss hiring a Children's (& Youth) Minister as I was struggling to determine how God could ask me to give up this ministry. It was the confirmation to me that I wasn't mistaking what God was telling me; but it was still confusing to me.
When someone has their identity so tied up in a ministry, even if they aren't a "full time minister", leaving that ministry is hard. Even when God says to go. All of the sudden, I didn't really have a "place" in our church. And as much as I struggled to leave children's ministry, it was a struggle to find a new identity within my church. I re-joined our church's Praise Team because this was something I had done before I completely committed to children's ministry service full time on Sunday mornings. It was the one thing that I had missed so much and was so excited to come back to. I love music...I love God speaking to me through music. But once again, I struggled...I struggled with insecurity about my place in this team...even if I should be doing this. It was a hard place...
In October of 2016, I found out some news that left me reeling. Vagueness #2 coming your way. This one is certainly not my story to tell, but the impact of this left me hollow...grieving for a loss that I couldn't comprehend...that I couldn't wrap my mind around. This began a hard season in my life...watching, waiting, praying, hoping, etc, etc, etc.
As we moved into 2017, my aunt lost her fight with cancer. I simply had no idea how the loss of her life was going to impact me so greatly. The loss was bittersweet - no more suffering, in the arms of Jesus...but the loss on earth was a tough one. She left behind children and grandchildren that will miss her dearly...but she also left a legacy of literally hundreds of children that were taught by her as 4 & 5 year old children. She had been passionate about children's ministry for the majority of her life. My small 25 years or so in children's ministry paled in comparison to her 40+ years in children's ministry. It's not a contest...and that's not my point. But as I looked across her grandchildren, my eyes continually found James...the baby...the one who would not have the benefit of his MawMaw West. And I grieved for the loss that he would never understand.
The same weekend of my aunt's funeral, my car "died" for lack of a better word...which launched me into about 4 months of waiting, looking, trying to find a new (to me) car, and a lot of frustration.
As 2017 has continued, I have struggled in many ways...but I would be remiss if I didn't also mention the victories. In January, we were awaiting word on Dylan's scholarships. His sophomore year was tough...he had his own struggles but just slipped by with the minimum required GPA for his scholarship to renew...and it only renewed for the Fall semester pending his performance in the Fall. He worked hard & I know it sounds sappy (because he told me so) but I was so proud of him. He gave it all he could...and if he wasn't able to continue, he was OK with that. There was a small back up plan that would keep him in school, but it wasn't one we wanted to go to.
On January 4th, I received his statement...where I had been expecting about $4500 to be due for him to continue, his statement was showing double that. I remember sitting on my bed, praying & weeping. I had no idea how we were going to make this happen. One thing I noticed, though, was that his loans were not showing against the balance...which made up the difference between what I was expecting & what was shown. I emailed Financial Services and received the explanation that the statement was dated January 1...the loans hadn't been applied yet, but if I looked at my "daily status" I would see that they were applied. I logged on and about fell out of my chair. Instead of the $4500 due, Dylan's account showed a $500 credit. Not only had the loans applied, but his scholarships had renewed.
Later in February, I was able to sell my "dead" car to a lady who had offered to buy my car several times. I didn't get what I could've gotten for an "alive" car, but I got enough to pay off Dylan's car a year early. And in May, I was able to buy a new-to-me car that is just amazing.
So, why do I share all of this?
Because I'm still struggling...day in, day out. There have been victories...but there has still been grief & disappointment...heartache...sadness...pain...etc...etc...etc.
And I see others around me struggling as well. And I guess I want them to know...they aren't alone.
Even if...God is still good.
This is something that has been resonating with me lately. A month or so ago, I was heavily into the life of David. I listened to Andy Stanley's messages about the life of David and in my own personal Bible reading (oh yeah...I've struggled with this too) I was reading about the life of David at the same time. I have been fascinated with David. "A man after God's own heart"...certainly not a perfect man...and that's what has caught my attention & made me just sit in awe of David. Even before he "messed up royally" with Bathsheba, David's life wasn't easy. David was anointed as the next King of Israel while another king was still on the throne...another King that David not only respected, but went up against a giant to honor the King & rid Israel of this enemy. Later, David is hunted down by this same King who is jealous of David. And I have to wonder...when David was running for his life from King Saul...when he was hiding in other countries...hiding in the very cave where King Saul came in to "do his business"...knowing the whole time that God had called him to more...I think David must have struggled himself. In fact, I'm fairly certain of it when you read the Psalms. David was a man after God's own heart...but I know from the book of Psalms that he often wondered where God was in the midst of his struggle. BUT over & over, David reminds himself...and now us thousands of years later...that his trust is in the Lord. The Lord who brought victory over the giant...the Lord who has promised to bring him to the other side of this...the Lord who surely protected him from King Saul...and finally made him victorious over King Saul.
Even if...He is good.
Even through my struggles...I'm reminded that God has brought me through so much that I can't NOT believe that He has left me in this. Every day I pray (or as often as I pray...because, you guessed it...struggle) that God will use these struggles to refine me...to strengthen me...to make me a woman after His own heart.
And I'm clinging to the fact that God's goodness is not dependent on me or my circumstances...but His goodness is constant. Even if...
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
So...Here We Are...More than a Year Later
Well...what I wanted from this blog and what actually happened are two different things.
I wanted to blog about my missions opportunities...the process...the struggles...the victories...the actual trips...how I was changed.
But it never happened! I looked back and the last entry on this blog was about NYC - BEFORE I went.
And now, I've been to NYC twice on mission, once to Armenia on mission, and am preparing for trip #2 to Armenia.
I have only one excuse - life. Life has remained busy. This summer is crazy. So much to do...and I'm feeling the time crunch. We are half way through July. In less than 2 weeks, Dylan & I will be heading out of the country...and 2 weeks after we return, he will be headed back to school. For his 3rd year of college.
I swear I just blinked...and it all happened.
So...here we are.
My trip to NYC last May was amazing. I fell in love with the city. In love with the ministry of Graffiti. As much as I am not a city person, the energy in NYC is something I've never found anywhere else. I can't even explain it. We went to NYC again this past May...and it was still the same. Full of energy, full of people, full of busy-ness. And I loved it all. This time, we took a couple of guys with us...one of them Dylan. He had been to the city before but was not able to spend as much time as we did on this trip. He loved it too.
And Armenia in September of 2015? Equally amazing! I'm not a fan of international travel...the travel itself, that is. 12 hours on a plane is hard - especially coming West. The jet lag when I returned...a BEAR. Two months I spent trying to get back in a regular sleep pattern. But at the end of the day, when someone asked when I was going again...the answer was always "as soon as possible".
So...here we are.
T-minus 11 days. It just doesn't even seem real. Dylan & I are going with a different team than I traveled with before. We will be doing different things and in different areas. We will be doing Vacation Bible School in different areas throughout Armenia. I'm looking forward to seeing some parts of this beautiful country that I didn't see before. I'm excited to see familiar faces that I left behind almost a year ago. I'm anticipating meals lovingly prepared for our team. In other words, I cannot wait to be back in Armenia.
Three different times on Sunday alone I was asked about how the events transpiring in the Middle East were affecting our trip. Each time I had to explain that I have to compartmentalize...almost ignore these events. Because, yes, they are scary...and there is a call to safety. But, I know that God has called us to go...and go we must. There is great peace in knowing that the One who physically holds this world in place is holding me...and cares for me...and is protecting me...and will use me in whatever way HE chooses.
Surrender is hard...but so worth it. And almost always, it's easier to submit than to fight. That's what I've learned over the past couple of years. The struggle is not worth it; laying it all down before Him is.
So...here we go...into the Land of Noah. To serve. To love. To surrender. To Go.
I wanted to blog about my missions opportunities...the process...the struggles...the victories...the actual trips...how I was changed.
But it never happened! I looked back and the last entry on this blog was about NYC - BEFORE I went.
And now, I've been to NYC twice on mission, once to Armenia on mission, and am preparing for trip #2 to Armenia.
I have only one excuse - life. Life has remained busy. This summer is crazy. So much to do...and I'm feeling the time crunch. We are half way through July. In less than 2 weeks, Dylan & I will be heading out of the country...and 2 weeks after we return, he will be headed back to school. For his 3rd year of college.
I swear I just blinked...and it all happened.
So...here we are.
My trip to NYC last May was amazing. I fell in love with the city. In love with the ministry of Graffiti. As much as I am not a city person, the energy in NYC is something I've never found anywhere else. I can't even explain it. We went to NYC again this past May...and it was still the same. Full of energy, full of people, full of busy-ness. And I loved it all. This time, we took a couple of guys with us...one of them Dylan. He had been to the city before but was not able to spend as much time as we did on this trip. He loved it too.
And Armenia in September of 2015? Equally amazing! I'm not a fan of international travel...the travel itself, that is. 12 hours on a plane is hard - especially coming West. The jet lag when I returned...a BEAR. Two months I spent trying to get back in a regular sleep pattern. But at the end of the day, when someone asked when I was going again...the answer was always "as soon as possible".
So...here we are.
T-minus 11 days. It just doesn't even seem real. Dylan & I are going with a different team than I traveled with before. We will be doing different things and in different areas. We will be doing Vacation Bible School in different areas throughout Armenia. I'm looking forward to seeing some parts of this beautiful country that I didn't see before. I'm excited to see familiar faces that I left behind almost a year ago. I'm anticipating meals lovingly prepared for our team. In other words, I cannot wait to be back in Armenia.
Three different times on Sunday alone I was asked about how the events transpiring in the Middle East were affecting our trip. Each time I had to explain that I have to compartmentalize...almost ignore these events. Because, yes, they are scary...and there is a call to safety. But, I know that God has called us to go...and go we must. There is great peace in knowing that the One who physically holds this world in place is holding me...and cares for me...and is protecting me...and will use me in whatever way HE chooses.
Surrender is hard...but so worth it. And almost always, it's easier to submit than to fight. That's what I've learned over the past couple of years. The struggle is not worth it; laying it all down before Him is.
So...here we go...into the Land of Noah. To serve. To love. To surrender. To Go.
Friday, May 8, 2015
But first...NYC Mission!
While I'm already looking ahead toward Armenia, making plans, etc., I don't want to neglect my first mission trip of 2015 which is happening TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY! It seems like just yesterday I was signing up to go...never even knowing what was really ahead of me. I, along with my best friend and two others who have become dear friends in a very short amount of time, will be traveling to New York City.
While we are there we will be working with Graffitt 3 Ministries, an inner city church located in Brooklyn. I'm not 100% sure what we will be doing right now, but I know it's going to be great!
The process between signing up and our going has been quite interesting. Just a small glimpse of our lives from March to now:
- Ashley had a stress fracture in her foot.
- My dad was hospitalized for chest pains, was told he'd had a heart attack, they did a heart cath, and placed a stint. Found out later the artery that was clogged is called "The Widow Maker".
- Lisa found out that she was most likely going to lose her job in the coming months.
- Renae turned her life upside down and decided to purge & move.
If I truly tried to list out all of the things that we've faced over the last few months, it would appear to be a laundry list of complaints or negative things...however, I believe that each thing we've faced has just increased our faith! This trip has already been an amazing journey and we haven't even left.
The more amazing part? Our trip has been OVER funded! Less than a month after we formed our team, we were fully funded...and other contributions have continued to come in.
I KNOW that God wants us to go...and I KNOW that he's going to do some amazing stuff.
Please keep our team in your prayers over these next two weeks. I know that anxiety is going to increase, life will seemingly "get in the way", and we will encounter other obstacles. But I also know that God is going to richly bless us through this trip as well!
 |
| Our NYC Mission Team |
While we are there we will be working with Graffitt 3 Ministries, an inner city church located in Brooklyn. I'm not 100% sure what we will be doing right now, but I know it's going to be great!
The process between signing up and our going has been quite interesting. Just a small glimpse of our lives from March to now:
- Ashley had a stress fracture in her foot.
- My dad was hospitalized for chest pains, was told he'd had a heart attack, they did a heart cath, and placed a stint. Found out later the artery that was clogged is called "The Widow Maker".
- Lisa found out that she was most likely going to lose her job in the coming months.
- Renae turned her life upside down and decided to purge & move.
If I truly tried to list out all of the things that we've faced over the last few months, it would appear to be a laundry list of complaints or negative things...however, I believe that each thing we've faced has just increased our faith! This trip has already been an amazing journey and we haven't even left.
The more amazing part? Our trip has been OVER funded! Less than a month after we formed our team, we were fully funded...and other contributions have continued to come in.
I KNOW that God wants us to go...and I KNOW that he's going to do some amazing stuff.
Please keep our team in your prayers over these next two weeks. I know that anxiety is going to increase, life will seemingly "get in the way", and we will encounter other obstacles. But I also know that God is going to richly bless us through this trip as well!
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Go! (aka Get out of the boat)
Initial disclaimer: I created this blog it appears about 5 years ago. Sometimes I blogged a lot...sometimes not very much at all. I don't plan to go back and delete posts...some of them are silly...some are personal reflections...some are deeply personal things that I put out here with no thought of "real life" people finding. Just know that what is here is all me...some parts that maybe I didn't want to show everyone...but I'm ok with it now. That being said...feel free to poke around...see what you can see. From this point forward, this blog will become an online journal of sorts. Because you see...there are some big things on the horizon for me. :)
I am not generally one to put a vague Facebook post out there...in fact, if you know me at all, you know that this is truly one of my pet peeves. However, yesterday...I committed the Facebook cardinal sin and posted a vague status -
But, I'm so sure that this what God wants from me and for me.
I shared with someone yesterday that this is truly a "get out of the boat" trip. Committing to the NYC Mission trip I'm going on in May...that was a no-brainer. I knew as soon as I got the e-mail that I would be doing that trip.
But this is HUGE. I have to get my passport - ASAP - so I can officially join the "team". I have to raise funds. I am joining a team that I don't even know if I will know one other person.
And I'm scared. Armenia itself seems to be a fairly stable country...but it's right in the middle of a whole bunch of countries that aren't stable.
So, I'm going. Because God said "go".
I would appreciate your prayers as I prepare for this trip, as well as the NYC Mission trip in May. I know that God is going to do great things with both of these trips. I look forward to seeing how God is going to provide, grow me, and stretch me with this Armenia trip.
Stay tuned...more to come...
:)
I am not generally one to put a vague Facebook post out there...in fact, if you know me at all, you know that this is truly one of my pet peeves. However, yesterday...I committed the Facebook cardinal sin and posted a vague status -
"When God says "go"...its best to just go...stay tuned...big things ahead!"I know that some people were VERY curious...because they commented! And it's not that I didn't want to share the BIG things ahead, but I needed to do so with much more explanation. Because the where I'm going is important, but to me the how I got to where I am now is even more important. So, I figured the best way to truly let everyone in on what's going on was to post part of an e-mail that I sent to Ashley (my BFF) on Friday (slightly edited...because I have a tendency to ramble).
Yesterday...I committed to this trip. I will be heading to Armenia in September. You cannot even imagine all of the different emotions I've been rolling through since I saw this opportunity...excitement, anxiety, fear...you name it. I'm feeling it. I've never been outside of the country...and I'll be going half way around the world.So…a little over a year ago (which I know thanks to the glory of TimeHop) I really began to feel like God was calling me to "something". I know that sounds vague, but I really wasn't sure at the time what He had in mind…just felt a calling, if you will. I know that it was about a year ago because it was when we started learning Oceans…the words…oh my word. If you really think through and really MEAN the words of that song…well, you know. JFast forward almost a year to our last Youth Leaders meeting. Now…this leaders meeting has nothing to do with anything other than a marker of time…just so you know. When I left & went home, I just felt heavy/burdened/what have you. I was still doing my quiet time in the evenings…and we were right in the middle of our Bible Study. I *think* the lesson that night was on God's plan for your life. And I lost it. I cried…I SOBBED and just really cried out to God…please let me know what you want with my life. Sometimes, I feel like my life is stagnant. I know in reality it's not…but it feels that way sometimes. Like I'm always waiting for something to actually happen. I began praying that God would reveal His plan. That I would want to do what He wanted. I confessed that this scared me but in that good way of I can't even imagine what God wants to do…and fully surrendering…sometimes it's a little scary. I mean, you know that He's got you…but you know if you really surrender, God will take you where you never thought you'd go.Literally a week after this…NYC happens. I don't have to tell you about all of that…you've seen it unfold before your very eyes.On Wednesday night, Renae comes up to me and says there's another opportunity to go to NYC that I'm praying about…it's in August. A whole week. The trip starts the weekend that Dylan moves back to Wake…so I don't think I can do it. BUT…here's where things get interesting. ;)The August trip is being offered by the NC WMU (our other trip is through the national WMU). I've been bouncing since NYC on the NC Baptist website to see other opportunities. As Bill mentioned the other night, the NC Baptists have their own women's ministry since WMU broke away from SBC as their own entity (I mean really…can't we all just be friends???) called Embrace and they have a trip in the fall like the one we are doing to NYC but it's to Boston. So…yesterday I decide to look & see what the NC WMU has…and get this…they have a trip to Armenia. What?!?!?!? That little country that Andrew's grandparents are from…from which his great-grandparents immigrated.So, I emailed the lady. The do a "retreat" at the seminary for women - they have 2 groups that come. They teach them how to minister to the other women & children. It's all basic because most of the women haven't grown up in church. This will be their 3rd trip. They have 3 people committed to go and need 3-4 more. They will be teaching, doing worship, and doing crafts with the ladies.I'm seriously thinking about it.And I'm scared, for sure. I mean…it's on the other side of Turkey. Right under Georgia. The country.But, woah…what in the world?So…this is where I'm at…and I need some serious prayer help. I'm praying really hard that God will let me know what I should do. This is HUGE. BIG. I can't even believe how BIG this is.
But, I'm so sure that this what God wants from me and for me.
I shared with someone yesterday that this is truly a "get out of the boat" trip. Committing to the NYC Mission trip I'm going on in May...that was a no-brainer. I knew as soon as I got the e-mail that I would be doing that trip.
But this is HUGE. I have to get my passport - ASAP - so I can officially join the "team". I have to raise funds. I am joining a team that I don't even know if I will know one other person.
And I'm scared. Armenia itself seems to be a fairly stable country...but it's right in the middle of a whole bunch of countries that aren't stable.
So, I'm going. Because God said "go".
I would appreciate your prayers as I prepare for this trip, as well as the NYC Mission trip in May. I know that God is going to do great things with both of these trips. I look forward to seeing how God is going to provide, grow me, and stretch me with this Armenia trip.
Stay tuned...more to come...
:)
Thursday, July 17, 2014
A Safe Friend
I was reading a blog the other day and the blogger mentioned having a safe friend. A safe friend, per her definition, is one that you can whine, complain, moan, cry to...basically someone that you can dump your stress on and they will hear you out. I would concur that this is extremely important...not only to your own mental, emotional, and physical health...but also for the health & well being of those around you.
Trust me...you need to be able to check a little anger before unleashing it on some poor, unsuspecting soul.
My safe friend would have to be my bestest, Ashley.
I have no idea when this picture was taken...I think it was after I graduated high school - either in the summer or during my Freshman year of college. I have known Ashley since she was 13 & I was 14. I know I actually have known her longer because there's a picture floating out there of a church event and she's in the background of my sister...but my first memories are from our teenage years.
Our teens at church think its crazy that we've been friends this long. I would have to say that this is probably a rare thing...
Anyway, Ashley is the one I call when I'm having a bad day...when I need to check a response that may not come across quite like it's intended...when I want to know why the skinny little boys with no shirts on are running around Walkertown...when I need someone to vent to, to cry to, to complain to. She understands when I say "my child is about to make me cuss...at him"...and she talks me down from actually harming him.
She's the one who (finally) gave me a Magic 8 ball to sit on my desk at work...because I wanted to use it to answer the ninety-eleven stupid questions that I get asked at work.
We've cried together, laughed together, done stupid crafts together, worshiped together, ministered together, and fought together.
At the end of the day...I know that if I need to unload 24 hours worth of crap on her, she's there.
And the road goes both ways.
Of course, sometimes she betrays me...and joins in with our youth to photobomb my phone...
I can't say I wouldn't do the same to her. ;)
At any rate, if you don't have a "safe friend"...you need one. You need one so that you don't unload on every unsuspecting person who has the decency to ask you "how you are doing". You need one to keep you sane.
Choose wisely my friend...choose wisely.
Trust me...you need to be able to check a little anger before unleashing it on some poor, unsuspecting soul.
My safe friend would have to be my bestest, Ashley.
I have no idea when this picture was taken...I think it was after I graduated high school - either in the summer or during my Freshman year of college. I have known Ashley since she was 13 & I was 14. I know I actually have known her longer because there's a picture floating out there of a church event and she's in the background of my sister...but my first memories are from our teenage years.
Our teens at church think its crazy that we've been friends this long. I would have to say that this is probably a rare thing...
Anyway, Ashley is the one I call when I'm having a bad day...when I need to check a response that may not come across quite like it's intended...when I want to know why the skinny little boys with no shirts on are running around Walkertown...when I need someone to vent to, to cry to, to complain to. She understands when I say "my child is about to make me cuss...at him"...and she talks me down from actually harming him.
She's the one who (finally) gave me a Magic 8 ball to sit on my desk at work...because I wanted to use it to answer the ninety-eleven stupid questions that I get asked at work.
We've cried together, laughed together, done stupid crafts together, worshiped together, ministered together, and fought together.
At the end of the day...I know that if I need to unload 24 hours worth of crap on her, she's there.
And the road goes both ways.
Of course, sometimes she betrays me...and joins in with our youth to photobomb my phone...
I can't say I wouldn't do the same to her. ;)
At any rate, if you don't have a "safe friend"...you need one. You need one so that you don't unload on every unsuspecting person who has the decency to ask you "how you are doing". You need one to keep you sane.
Proverbs 12:25-26: "Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad. The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray."Of course, be careful who you choose as your "safe friend"...it must be someone trustworthy...one that won't just tell you what you need to hear. It must someone who can be a secret-keeper...or at least know when the secret should be told (for your safety or the safety of others).
Choose wisely my friend...choose wisely.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Eighteen
Tomorrow my "baby" turns 18. I just cannot believe it. I promise, just the other day he was 3...I blinked and here we are.
In the wee small hours of the morning (I woke up at 3am this morning - caffeine often has a strange effect on me...instead of keeping me up for hours, I go to sleep thinking that the caffeine hasn't affected me at all...and then BAM, I wake up at 3am and I'm up until it's time to get up)...
Anyway, in the wee small hours of the morning, I decided to blog about my boy being 18. My first thoughts were toward a sweet, sappy, reflective writing thinking back to 18 years ago and having no clue what I was in for...but getting the best blessing ever. And then, as I got closer to morning, I decided to do something that maybe had a little more humor...and possibly still subjected to the sweet, sappy reflections...
This bi-polar approach can be blamed on Kate Conner...this is what I was reading at 3am...and 4am...her blog is not bi-polar per se...but it contains the truths I need to hear infused with the humor of living life with three kids. If you don't read her blog, you should.
Again...I digress...
So, without further adieu...here are 10 things I've learned by being Dylan's mom:
#1 - One of Dylan's preschool teachers gave me the BEST parenting advice ever...she said "If it's not immoral, illegal, or a potential danger to the child or others, don't sweat it". I can honestly say, I took that to heart. Hear me say, there is a time & place for discipline and self-control...but there are battles that we don't need to wage with our children. Wearing matching clothes...while embarrassing to you at the moment...is not that big of a deal. And just think, one day you can pull that picture out showing off their most hideous outfit choice, and the embarrassment will be theirs!
I did put my foot down on wearing socks with tennis shoes...there is no place for feet in tennis shoes without socks. That's just gross.
#2 - "I don't have time to go to the emergency room" is a valid reason "why not" for whatever hair-brained, daredevil trick that your child wants to try. This should be your immediate reaction to "Hey, Mom! Watch this!"
#3 - If you have dirt, sand, or mulch within a 10 foot range of your child, you are going to have it in their pants, socks, shoes...and transferred to your house. No lie...one day I think I dumped an entire sandbox out of Dylan's pants. How the child had been walking around with all that sand is beyond me.
#4 - There is a reason that boys don't use hair dryers. I have the singed towel to prove it. When asked why in the world he stuck the hair dryer right up on the towel, the answer was "I wanted to see what would happen".
#5 - "I wanted to see what would happen" is the cause of 95% of childhood accidents.
#6 - Having several seasons worth of good, wholesome TV shows on DVD will come in handy if you have the misfortune of ending up in the hospital on a crazy sleep schedule. Before they days of 24-hours of Nick Jr. and Netflix, "The Cosby Show" on DVD was a lifesaver the one time that Dylan had to be hospitalized. It's also what caused him to be a "Cosby Show" addict.
#7 - Showing up to church, dragging along a child with no shirt, is perfectly acceptable if the child will not wear the shirt you have picked out for him. Of course, this was before I learned the lesson from #1.
#8 - If you thought that you had loved something as much as you could ever love something, then you are wrong. I don't think I ever understood how much love I contained until I had Dylan. And when I thought I loved him as much as I ever could, I was wrong. It just grows and grows and grows.
#9 - You kind of have to get used to your kid. I loved him right off the bat...no doubt about it. But liking him? That took a bit. There's nothing that tests likability better than having that little person completely dependent on you...waking you up every 2 hours (if you are lucky)...being more tired than you've ever been before...and have that little one screaming for no apparent reason.
#10 - Teach your children to be responsible people - responsible for their actions, responsible for their words, responsible for themselves in appearance and attitudes. Help them to own their faults and their shortcomings...and help them to put forth their strengths.
There is so much more that I have learned being Dylan's mom. This past year, especially, we've been learning together - Dylan learning what it means to be a more mature person; me learning to let go a little at a time. This parenting thing isn't for sissy's...it isn't for the faint of heart...and it certainly does take a strength that at times you don't think you have. BUT every smile, every laugh, every positive thing they do are worth all the hard days, all the rough nights, all the sick days.
Happy 18th to a kid that I'm most proud of. God is going to do wonderfully, crazy, big things with this kid.
In the wee small hours of the morning (I woke up at 3am this morning - caffeine often has a strange effect on me...instead of keeping me up for hours, I go to sleep thinking that the caffeine hasn't affected me at all...and then BAM, I wake up at 3am and I'm up until it's time to get up)...
Anyway, in the wee small hours of the morning, I decided to blog about my boy being 18. My first thoughts were toward a sweet, sappy, reflective writing thinking back to 18 years ago and having no clue what I was in for...but getting the best blessing ever. And then, as I got closer to morning, I decided to do something that maybe had a little more humor...and possibly still subjected to the sweet, sappy reflections...
This bi-polar approach can be blamed on Kate Conner...this is what I was reading at 3am...and 4am...her blog is not bi-polar per se...but it contains the truths I need to hear infused with the humor of living life with three kids. If you don't read her blog, you should.
Again...I digress...
So, without further adieu...here are 10 things I've learned by being Dylan's mom:
#1 - One of Dylan's preschool teachers gave me the BEST parenting advice ever...she said "If it's not immoral, illegal, or a potential danger to the child or others, don't sweat it". I can honestly say, I took that to heart. Hear me say, there is a time & place for discipline and self-control...but there are battles that we don't need to wage with our children. Wearing matching clothes...while embarrassing to you at the moment...is not that big of a deal. And just think, one day you can pull that picture out showing off their most hideous outfit choice, and the embarrassment will be theirs!
I did put my foot down on wearing socks with tennis shoes...there is no place for feet in tennis shoes without socks. That's just gross.
#2 - "I don't have time to go to the emergency room" is a valid reason "why not" for whatever hair-brained, daredevil trick that your child wants to try. This should be your immediate reaction to "Hey, Mom! Watch this!"
#3 - If you have dirt, sand, or mulch within a 10 foot range of your child, you are going to have it in their pants, socks, shoes...and transferred to your house. No lie...one day I think I dumped an entire sandbox out of Dylan's pants. How the child had been walking around with all that sand is beyond me.
#4 - There is a reason that boys don't use hair dryers. I have the singed towel to prove it. When asked why in the world he stuck the hair dryer right up on the towel, the answer was "I wanted to see what would happen".
#5 - "I wanted to see what would happen" is the cause of 95% of childhood accidents.
#6 - Having several seasons worth of good, wholesome TV shows on DVD will come in handy if you have the misfortune of ending up in the hospital on a crazy sleep schedule. Before they days of 24-hours of Nick Jr. and Netflix, "The Cosby Show" on DVD was a lifesaver the one time that Dylan had to be hospitalized. It's also what caused him to be a "Cosby Show" addict.
#7 - Showing up to church, dragging along a child with no shirt, is perfectly acceptable if the child will not wear the shirt you have picked out for him. Of course, this was before I learned the lesson from #1.
#8 - If you thought that you had loved something as much as you could ever love something, then you are wrong. I don't think I ever understood how much love I contained until I had Dylan. And when I thought I loved him as much as I ever could, I was wrong. It just grows and grows and grows.
#9 - You kind of have to get used to your kid. I loved him right off the bat...no doubt about it. But liking him? That took a bit. There's nothing that tests likability better than having that little person completely dependent on you...waking you up every 2 hours (if you are lucky)...being more tired than you've ever been before...and have that little one screaming for no apparent reason.
#10 - Teach your children to be responsible people - responsible for their actions, responsible for their words, responsible for themselves in appearance and attitudes. Help them to own their faults and their shortcomings...and help them to put forth their strengths.
There is so much more that I have learned being Dylan's mom. This past year, especially, we've been learning together - Dylan learning what it means to be a more mature person; me learning to let go a little at a time. This parenting thing isn't for sissy's...it isn't for the faint of heart...and it certainly does take a strength that at times you don't think you have. BUT every smile, every laugh, every positive thing they do are worth all the hard days, all the rough nights, all the sick days.
Happy 18th to a kid that I'm most proud of. God is going to do wonderfully, crazy, big things with this kid.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
2014 - Year of TRUST
A few weeks ago...maybe before Christmas...Alyson was in my room. Taped to my mirror are a couple of things...my favorite all time Bible verse (Isaiah 43:1)...pix of my favorite twins...and (until about a week ago) a list of goals that I set for myself in 2012 - no that's not a typo...I really set them in 2012 and then decided in 2013 to just continue working toward accomplishing those goals. She began to go down the list of things that weren't marked off, asking if I had done them. For the most part, I had not. I'm not upset about that, but I really wanted to do something better for 2014.
I don't make resolutions as a general rule. I would prefer to set goals for myself and then move forward. I have made 2014 goals as well...but they aren't taped to my mirror. They ARE, however, written in my prayer book. I'm hoping that will help me to pray over them...allow God to help me achieve these goals.
One of my goals has been to get in the habit of a quiet time for at least 5 days out of the week. Now, I can tell you that I am good for at least 4...I know that sounds weird...and really & truly I should be better than that. I like to do my quiet time in the evenings. I've tried the mornings, but I feel like I sleep through my Bible reading and prayer time...so evenings work best for me...sort of. Monday through Thursday, as a general rule, are fine. I carve out time sometime between 8pm & 10pm...spend time in my room (usually with ear plugs trying to drown out the TV in the living room - my house is small!) and for the most part, I do pretty well at keeping this.
I say this as I have struggled this week to keep up with it and haven't been as faithful as I should. ;)
I did slack off over Christmas in keeping up with my quiet time...and did it so unintentionally that it was a week or so before I even realized I had done so. It's amazing how little things can build up to get in the way of what we really need to do...and we can just forget it so easily.
So, come January 2nd...I got back on the "bandwagon" and started back in my quiet time. It was during that very quiet time that God spoke a word to me that He wanted me to focus on for 2014...
TRUST
I trust God...sort of. I often, though, let my very human nature get in the way and take over for God. I mean, He can't really have time for all of my small, miniscule problems when there are people with cancer...or other life threatening illnesses...or things that are much bigger than me praying over my backdoor not leaking (which is does from time to time).
But the reality is...HE DOES!
And it's not my job to decide what God does or does not have time for...it's my job to TRUST.
2013 was not a bad year...it really wasn't. I saw God work in HUGE ways. I also felt my share of struggles. For a time, I would overcome one hurdle...only to have another pop up and smack me in the face. I wondered if I would EVER get past it all. And to top it off, the reality of Dylan's senior year and all that entails hit me square in the face.
And while there a few things I would change about 2013 if it was in my power (i.e. I wouldn't have made sweet Oliver go through 2 heart surgeries in 2 weeks at 6 weeks of age...I wouldn't have allowed my friend Casey & her family to be in a head on collision that she is STILL recovering from...I wouldn't have let my friend Kim fall out of that golf cart and hit her head so hard that she almost died - but Praise GOD is recovering)...but I know that all these things are working together for God's glory.
And it has set me up to be ready to work on TRUST.
So, for the entirety of 2014...when I begin to doubt God and doubt what He is able to do for me and in my life...I'm whispering the word TRUST. I'm praying the verses from Proverbs 3:4-5 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." I'm working to TRUST God not just in the big things...but in the smallest things.
And in the place of my 2012 Goals, I have taped a card that says TRUST & includes the Proverbs verses to remind me every day that He has this...and I need to TRUST in Him.
So far...He hasn't let me down.
And I don't expect Him to.
I don't make resolutions as a general rule. I would prefer to set goals for myself and then move forward. I have made 2014 goals as well...but they aren't taped to my mirror. They ARE, however, written in my prayer book. I'm hoping that will help me to pray over them...allow God to help me achieve these goals.
One of my goals has been to get in the habit of a quiet time for at least 5 days out of the week. Now, I can tell you that I am good for at least 4...I know that sounds weird...and really & truly I should be better than that. I like to do my quiet time in the evenings. I've tried the mornings, but I feel like I sleep through my Bible reading and prayer time...so evenings work best for me...sort of. Monday through Thursday, as a general rule, are fine. I carve out time sometime between 8pm & 10pm...spend time in my room (usually with ear plugs trying to drown out the TV in the living room - my house is small!) and for the most part, I do pretty well at keeping this.
I say this as I have struggled this week to keep up with it and haven't been as faithful as I should. ;)
I did slack off over Christmas in keeping up with my quiet time...and did it so unintentionally that it was a week or so before I even realized I had done so. It's amazing how little things can build up to get in the way of what we really need to do...and we can just forget it so easily.
So, come January 2nd...I got back on the "bandwagon" and started back in my quiet time. It was during that very quiet time that God spoke a word to me that He wanted me to focus on for 2014...
TRUST
I trust God...sort of. I often, though, let my very human nature get in the way and take over for God. I mean, He can't really have time for all of my small, miniscule problems when there are people with cancer...or other life threatening illnesses...or things that are much bigger than me praying over my backdoor not leaking (which is does from time to time).
But the reality is...HE DOES!
And it's not my job to decide what God does or does not have time for...it's my job to TRUST.
2013 was not a bad year...it really wasn't. I saw God work in HUGE ways. I also felt my share of struggles. For a time, I would overcome one hurdle...only to have another pop up and smack me in the face. I wondered if I would EVER get past it all. And to top it off, the reality of Dylan's senior year and all that entails hit me square in the face.
And while there a few things I would change about 2013 if it was in my power (i.e. I wouldn't have made sweet Oliver go through 2 heart surgeries in 2 weeks at 6 weeks of age...I wouldn't have allowed my friend Casey & her family to be in a head on collision that she is STILL recovering from...I wouldn't have let my friend Kim fall out of that golf cart and hit her head so hard that she almost died - but Praise GOD is recovering)...but I know that all these things are working together for God's glory.
And it has set me up to be ready to work on TRUST.
So, for the entirety of 2014...when I begin to doubt God and doubt what He is able to do for me and in my life...I'm whispering the word TRUST. I'm praying the verses from Proverbs 3:4-5 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." I'm working to TRUST God not just in the big things...but in the smallest things.
And in the place of my 2012 Goals, I have taped a card that says TRUST & includes the Proverbs verses to remind me every day that He has this...and I need to TRUST in Him.
So far...He hasn't let me down.
And I don't expect Him to.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Next Steps
I am not a crier by nature...although I've found myself to be "weepier" over the past few years of my life. My BFF calls me a closet crier...she says she knows I cry...I just don't do it as openly and often as she does. ;)
Every morning I receive a devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries...they are quick reads and almost always very timely. The one I received this morning was no exception. The title..."Where Your Tears Go". The lady writing spoke of how she was a crier...and she wrote about crying as she dropped her daughter off at college.
I'll admit...I teared up.
Monday begins Dylan's last chapter in school. Senior year is here. It's been a struggle trying to wrap my mind around this. How can it be that he has reached this year? It's not been long enough...he's not old enough...it's not time yet.
Yet...the calendar does not lie. Dylan has finished the prerequisite 12 years of schooling leading up to the Senior year...he's done well even. He is seventeen years old...and it is indeed time for him to begin Senior year.
And...it's killing me.
I'm so excited for him...so proud of him. He's done so well...I would say he's worked hard, but really...he's one of those kids who doesn't work hard, but still gets good grades (it's sickening). I even had one of his teachers tell me that towards the end of last year - she mentioned hoping she would be able to challenge him in his next AP class with her...she seemed dubious about the prospect...
But, there is a part of me that is just not ready to let go. I've spent a lot of time this summer by myself. Dylan was in Florida for two weeks...spent another week at the beach fishing...and between all of his summer "activities"...he has spent very little time at home. And while I don't really mind him being gone...I don't worry that he's up to no good...there is a part of me that has already fast forwarded to August of 2014 and is not ready for the prospect of many weeks on my own. I know there are some who have perfected this and enjoy the "on your own" life...but my whole world has been wrapped around this kid for the past 17 years...
So, I'm feeling a bit lost these days.
I know I should take each moment...live day to day...and I'm working really hard to do that...
But my mind can't help but look to the future and see the long stretch ahead of me.
Of course, I have no idea what God has planned for this next year...and I'm just clinging to the promise and the hope that He has a great plan for me.
Right now, though, I'm just trying to work through the next steps...
Every morning I receive a devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries...they are quick reads and almost always very timely. The one I received this morning was no exception. The title..."Where Your Tears Go". The lady writing spoke of how she was a crier...and she wrote about crying as she dropped her daughter off at college.
I'll admit...I teared up.
Monday begins Dylan's last chapter in school. Senior year is here. It's been a struggle trying to wrap my mind around this. How can it be that he has reached this year? It's not been long enough...he's not old enough...it's not time yet.
Yet...the calendar does not lie. Dylan has finished the prerequisite 12 years of schooling leading up to the Senior year...he's done well even. He is seventeen years old...and it is indeed time for him to begin Senior year.
And...it's killing me.
I'm so excited for him...so proud of him. He's done so well...I would say he's worked hard, but really...he's one of those kids who doesn't work hard, but still gets good grades (it's sickening). I even had one of his teachers tell me that towards the end of last year - she mentioned hoping she would be able to challenge him in his next AP class with her...she seemed dubious about the prospect...
But, there is a part of me that is just not ready to let go. I've spent a lot of time this summer by myself. Dylan was in Florida for two weeks...spent another week at the beach fishing...and between all of his summer "activities"...he has spent very little time at home. And while I don't really mind him being gone...I don't worry that he's up to no good...there is a part of me that has already fast forwarded to August of 2014 and is not ready for the prospect of many weeks on my own. I know there are some who have perfected this and enjoy the "on your own" life...but my whole world has been wrapped around this kid for the past 17 years...
So, I'm feeling a bit lost these days.
I know I should take each moment...live day to day...and I'm working really hard to do that...
But my mind can't help but look to the future and see the long stretch ahead of me.
Of course, I have no idea what God has planned for this next year...and I'm just clinging to the promise and the hope that He has a great plan for me.
Right now, though, I'm just trying to work through the next steps...
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Highlights from Last Weekend
Yeah...yeah...yeah...I know. The weekend ended two days ago and we are half way through this work week. I've had very good intentions of writing this post for the past two days...I even e-mailed the pix from my phone yesterday...but I didn't have time to write. So here goes! :)
My weekend technically started Friday morning. I decided to take the day off so that I could work in my yard...so I started my day at Lowe's...$90 later, I had everything I needed (plus some) for what I wanted to do in my yard.
Next stop was Wal-Mart...where I shopped for our church kids' movie night...
Looks like I'm getting ready to go on a junkfood eating binge! We did an ice cream bar (aka make your own sundaes)...these are just SOME of the toppings!
After delivering this to the church and heading home, Mom & Dad came over to help me transform a flower bed that had been a bed of monkey grass. If you don't know what that is, please don't attempt to find out. It is of the devil.
Half way through our planting day, my dad received a phone call from my sister saying she had fallen down her stairs and had done something to her ankle. They went to pick her up...brought her back to me...and we were off to the sprain/fracture clinic. Thankfully, it was just a sprain. Herunsympathetic husband sent me this video later of Ayden's recreation of her fall...
I did get the majority of my flowers planted and my beds are refreshed! :)
Later I headed to Movie Night with my Clubhouse kids...we have some Hispanic children who have started coming...they tried to get me to play the movie in Spanish...which made me laugh.
On Saturday, I got up way too early and headed to the church where we had an Operation Inasmuch morning. This is a morning where we go into our community to do different missions projects. Our project as a youth group was to hand out water to runners/bikers/walkers at a local lake park. It actually turned out to be fairly successful since they were having a 5K run/walk. We handed out almost 400 bottles of water!
After lunch, the youth went laser tagging...Dylan decided to hunker down in a puddle during one game...
I promise that's just mud/dirt/water...
Sunday was a regular Sunday...church...and then lunch with these two (plus their mom & my parents!)
Ayden wasn't all about having his picture made until he realized he could be silly with it. Those bottom two pix were "posed".
All in all, a good & busy weekend. Hopefully, this coming weekend (another 3-day weekend - WOO HOO!) will be a little calmer. :)
Happy Wednesday!
My weekend technically started Friday morning. I decided to take the day off so that I could work in my yard...so I started my day at Lowe's...$90 later, I had everything I needed (plus some) for what I wanted to do in my yard.
Next stop was Wal-Mart...where I shopped for our church kids' movie night...
Looks like I'm getting ready to go on a junkfood eating binge! We did an ice cream bar (aka make your own sundaes)...these are just SOME of the toppings!
After delivering this to the church and heading home, Mom & Dad came over to help me transform a flower bed that had been a bed of monkey grass. If you don't know what that is, please don't attempt to find out. It is of the devil.
Half way through our planting day, my dad received a phone call from my sister saying she had fallen down her stairs and had done something to her ankle. They went to pick her up...brought her back to me...and we were off to the sprain/fracture clinic. Thankfully, it was just a sprain. Her
I did get the majority of my flowers planted and my beds are refreshed! :)
Later I headed to Movie Night with my Clubhouse kids...we have some Hispanic children who have started coming...they tried to get me to play the movie in Spanish...which made me laugh.
On Saturday, I got up way too early and headed to the church where we had an Operation Inasmuch morning. This is a morning where we go into our community to do different missions projects. Our project as a youth group was to hand out water to runners/bikers/walkers at a local lake park. It actually turned out to be fairly successful since they were having a 5K run/walk. We handed out almost 400 bottles of water!
After lunch, the youth went laser tagging...Dylan decided to hunker down in a puddle during one game...
I promise that's just mud/dirt/water...
Sunday was a regular Sunday...church...and then lunch with these two (plus their mom & my parents!)
Ayden wasn't all about having his picture made until he realized he could be silly with it. Those bottom two pix were "posed".
All in all, a good & busy weekend. Hopefully, this coming weekend (another 3-day weekend - WOO HOO!) will be a little calmer. :)
Happy Wednesday!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
When Boredom Strikes
Or "stricks" as I began to type into the post title...
Just a little randomness today...
My work is staying caught up here lately...which means that I don't have as much to do...which means that I get bored and if I were OK with burning through my vacation time, I would just leave...but I'm not. Plus, I currently have no money...so my time off would consist of my sitting on my couch, watching my big TV and doing nothing...
I'm trying to find the problem here...
My last post (Falling Apart) referenced some goings-on that left me...well falling apart. All is well & resolved I'm happy to say.
Also, in good news...Baby Oliver is home from the hospital! YAY! He is still using a feeding tube to supplement his feeds & for his medications...but he is home after being in the hospital for almost 2 months. His second surgery was exactly what was needed to make him better and get things moving in a positive direction. Yay God! :)
Currently, I'm reading a book by Mary Jane Clark (see my Goodreads widget over here -------->. I am becoming a big fan of hers! I love the way she writes a mystery, giving the perspective of many different people, some of which you think might be the killer...even giving the perspective of the killer while keeping his/her anonymity until the very end. This is the third book I've read of hers and the first two I honestly didn't know how "dunit" until the last chapter. This book is proving to be the same. They are light reads - not quite as suspenseful as some murder mysteries, but a good read.
I recently finished The Book Thief. Oh.my.word. Such a good book. It's about a girl growing up in Nazi Germany. It's very sad...but really, what should you expect from that time period? Nazi Germany was a sad time period.
Dylan is taking the SAT's in a couple of weeks...oh my...we are on the eve of Senior year. I honestly can't believe it. One year from now, we will be looking towards Graduation. It's just surreal. I don't feel like I'm old enough to have a high school senior. It's just not possible. College plans are still up in the air...he says Florida State or Central Florida University...I say High Point University. I want to keep him close to me...but we shall see where God lands him. :)
The boy has expensive taste though...not an in-state or "public" school among his selections. All I have to say is that he better be getting some scholarships!
I'm becoming increasingly disappointed in Hawaii 5-0. This, at one time, was one of my favorite shows. Dylan & I have watched it faithfully. My two big issues with this show...#1 - they don't play new episdodes in any regular fashion. There is at least one to two weeks between new episodes. I could understand this during the holiday / award show season...but we are past all that. It's time to get some momentum to the show! Which brings me to #2 - last week's new episode, while it was good, didn't really have anything to do with the story line. They revisited a story line from the beginning of the season...but this one didn't really have anything to do with what's been going on. It's time to beef things up CBS!!!
I have to go to the doctor tomorrow...for a regular check up. I am already dreading it. I was so excited to find a doctor's office that would go ahead and schedule an appointment a year in advance. On the positive, at least this means that I'm going and keeping things in check. On the negative, I hate going to the doctor and usually don't go until I'm on my deathbed. So...tomorrow should be fun.
Not.
OK - enough of my rambling...time for me to get back to work. :)
Happy Tuesday!
Just a little randomness today...
My work is staying caught up here lately...which means that I don't have as much to do...which means that I get bored and if I were OK with burning through my vacation time, I would just leave...but I'm not. Plus, I currently have no money...so my time off would consist of my sitting on my couch, watching my big TV and doing nothing...
I'm trying to find the problem here...
My last post (Falling Apart) referenced some goings-on that left me...well falling apart. All is well & resolved I'm happy to say.
Also, in good news...Baby Oliver is home from the hospital! YAY! He is still using a feeding tube to supplement his feeds & for his medications...but he is home after being in the hospital for almost 2 months. His second surgery was exactly what was needed to make him better and get things moving in a positive direction. Yay God! :)
Currently, I'm reading a book by Mary Jane Clark (see my Goodreads widget over here -------->. I am becoming a big fan of hers! I love the way she writes a mystery, giving the perspective of many different people, some of which you think might be the killer...even giving the perspective of the killer while keeping his/her anonymity until the very end. This is the third book I've read of hers and the first two I honestly didn't know how "dunit" until the last chapter. This book is proving to be the same. They are light reads - not quite as suspenseful as some murder mysteries, but a good read.
I recently finished The Book Thief. Oh.my.word. Such a good book. It's about a girl growing up in Nazi Germany. It's very sad...but really, what should you expect from that time period? Nazi Germany was a sad time period.
Dylan is taking the SAT's in a couple of weeks...oh my...we are on the eve of Senior year. I honestly can't believe it. One year from now, we will be looking towards Graduation. It's just surreal. I don't feel like I'm old enough to have a high school senior. It's just not possible. College plans are still up in the air...he says Florida State or Central Florida University...I say High Point University. I want to keep him close to me...but we shall see where God lands him. :)
The boy has expensive taste though...not an in-state or "public" school among his selections. All I have to say is that he better be getting some scholarships!
I'm becoming increasingly disappointed in Hawaii 5-0. This, at one time, was one of my favorite shows. Dylan & I have watched it faithfully. My two big issues with this show...#1 - they don't play new episdodes in any regular fashion. There is at least one to two weeks between new episodes. I could understand this during the holiday / award show season...but we are past all that. It's time to get some momentum to the show! Which brings me to #2 - last week's new episode, while it was good, didn't really have anything to do with the story line. They revisited a story line from the beginning of the season...but this one didn't really have anything to do with what's been going on. It's time to beef things up CBS!!!
I have to go to the doctor tomorrow...for a regular check up. I am already dreading it. I was so excited to find a doctor's office that would go ahead and schedule an appointment a year in advance. On the positive, at least this means that I'm going and keeping things in check. On the negative, I hate going to the doctor and usually don't go until I'm on my deathbed. So...tomorrow should be fun.
Not.
OK - enough of my rambling...time for me to get back to work. :)
Happy Tuesday!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Catching Up...again
It's been more than three months since I updated my blog...and not because I didn't want to. Trust me - there have been several days that I thought "I really need to update my blog". But there has been no time. My job is crazy busy these days...my computer is still in a million pieces...and even if it weren't, by the time I get home I just want to do nothing. Things have smoothed out this week...but I'm just waiting for the next wave to hit. About the time I think that all is calm & smooth, that's when I get lulled into feeling as if things are finally caught up and even and I won't be stressed anymore...
and then BAM...here we go again.
So, what have I been up to since my last blog post (which was a scheduled post for July 4th)?
Other than running around like a chicken with my head cut off...I:
- Went to Florida on a mission trip with our student ministry the last week of July. We had an AWESOME time working with the Orlando Rescue Mission and getting to know the kids that live there. This is our second time there and, as I was last year, I was truly humbled and thankful for the life that God has blessed me with. The children that are living there have come from homes and situations that I can not even imagine and in this place they have found happiness and safety for a moment. It is truly a blessing to be a small part of their lives for this week.
- Went to the beach with my family in August. When I got back from Florida (without Dylan - left him behind with his Dad & other Orlando family), my mom told me she & my Dad had decided to go to Emerald Isle for vacation. I told her that I would be tagging along (joking) and her reply was that she hoped Dylan & I would. I don't need much more of an invitation than that! So, we went down halfway through their vacation...my sister, brother-in-law, niece & nephew also came down...and we had three great days of beach vacation with the family!
- Went to Fort Caswell with Ashley & Zac in September. Zac's birthday is September 10th and we all grew up going to Fort Caswell for summer camp. Caswell is such a special place - full of great memories. Zac started going down for his birthday a few years ago...a couple of years ago, they invited Dylan & I to go along...and then again this year. Another great beach trip.
And I think that catches me up with where I am now. No big trips or plans from here forward...which is probably a good thing because I'm not sure how much more my checking account can take!
I would love to tell you that I'm going to start blogging daily, weekly or even monthly...but at this point in my life I just don't know. For those of you who catch my quarterly posts, thank you. Thanks for hanging in there and making sure I'm still alive!
Hope to see you soon...Jenn
and then BAM...here we go again.
So, what have I been up to since my last blog post (which was a scheduled post for July 4th)?
Other than running around like a chicken with my head cut off...I:
- Went to Florida on a mission trip with our student ministry the last week of July. We had an AWESOME time working with the Orlando Rescue Mission and getting to know the kids that live there. This is our second time there and, as I was last year, I was truly humbled and thankful for the life that God has blessed me with. The children that are living there have come from homes and situations that I can not even imagine and in this place they have found happiness and safety for a moment. It is truly a blessing to be a small part of their lives for this week.
- Went to the beach with my family in August. When I got back from Florida (without Dylan - left him behind with his Dad & other Orlando family), my mom told me she & my Dad had decided to go to Emerald Isle for vacation. I told her that I would be tagging along (joking) and her reply was that she hoped Dylan & I would. I don't need much more of an invitation than that! So, we went down halfway through their vacation...my sister, brother-in-law, niece & nephew also came down...and we had three great days of beach vacation with the family!
- Went to Fort Caswell with Ashley & Zac in September. Zac's birthday is September 10th and we all grew up going to Fort Caswell for summer camp. Caswell is such a special place - full of great memories. Zac started going down for his birthday a few years ago...a couple of years ago, they invited Dylan & I to go along...and then again this year. Another great beach trip.
And I think that catches me up with where I am now. No big trips or plans from here forward...which is probably a good thing because I'm not sure how much more my checking account can take!
I would love to tell you that I'm going to start blogging daily, weekly or even monthly...but at this point in my life I just don't know. For those of you who catch my quarterly posts, thank you. Thanks for hanging in there and making sure I'm still alive!
Hope to see you soon...Jenn
Friday, June 29, 2012
30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 6
HAHAHAHA! I know what y'all are thinking...30 Day Blog Challenge?
It's Ok...we all should've known that a 30 day blogging challenge for me would actually take about 45-60 days.
BUT, I'm determined not to quit! So, you will at least get 30 blog posts.
Sorry for the delay...soon after the last post, my work exploded...this week both of my bosses are on vacation...so I've been able to get caught up. Being busy at work is good...being so busy that I can barely breathe is not good.
Day 6 - What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
I thought this was actually Day 5's topic...and I already had this post written in my head two weeks ago...so here goes.
The day before it had stormed...nothing horrific...just a regular, ordinary summer storm...lightning, thunder, rain. I woke up the next morning and just marveled about how beautiful the morning was. The sun was out...the birds were chirping...everything looked clean and bright.
And that's what I feel about the hardest things I've experienced.
I could make a list of them right here...but in my mind, the hardest things that I've experienced have been some of the greatest joys...once the storm passed. Maybe I'm avoiding the topic, but really and truly I don't want to relive them...in real life or here in this blog.
I want to focus on the beauty after the storm...the warm sunshine...the beautiful song...how everything looked clean and bright.
Focusing and reliving the hardest things in our lives will only continue to bring us sorrow, grief, pain...but when we focus on the morning after the storm, we can find the joy that comes after the sorrow.
I'm always thankful for the sunshine after the storm.
Have a great weekend, my friends!
It's Ok...we all should've known that a 30 day blogging challenge for me would actually take about 45-60 days.
BUT, I'm determined not to quit! So, you will at least get 30 blog posts.
Sorry for the delay...soon after the last post, my work exploded...this week both of my bosses are on vacation...so I've been able to get caught up. Being busy at work is good...being so busy that I can barely breathe is not good.
Day 6 - What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
I thought this was actually Day 5's topic...and I already had this post written in my head two weeks ago...so here goes.
The day before it had stormed...nothing horrific...just a regular, ordinary summer storm...lightning, thunder, rain. I woke up the next morning and just marveled about how beautiful the morning was. The sun was out...the birds were chirping...everything looked clean and bright.
And that's what I feel about the hardest things I've experienced.
I could make a list of them right here...but in my mind, the hardest things that I've experienced have been some of the greatest joys...once the storm passed. Maybe I'm avoiding the topic, but really and truly I don't want to relive them...in real life or here in this blog.
I want to focus on the beauty after the storm...the warm sunshine...the beautiful song...how everything looked clean and bright.
Focusing and reliving the hardest things in our lives will only continue to bring us sorrow, grief, pain...but when we focus on the morning after the storm, we can find the joy that comes after the sorrow.
I'm always thankful for the sunshine after the storm.
Have a great weekend, my friends!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 4
Yesterday, there was just not any extra time for blogging...and my laptop is still in a thousand pieces...so it just didn't happen.
Today I'm listing 10 things I would tell my 16-year old self, if I could.
1. Mailboxes are often way closer to your bumper than you think.
2. Stick to your beliefs and morals - no matter what. Don't let anyone sway you from what you believe in.
3. When you do stray away from what you believe in, it's OK...God has a plan for it all.
4. Credit cards are really not a good idea.
5. Your best friend now will not be your best friend later...but God has already introduced you to your best friend later...and she's awesomer.
6. Some life experiences are not going to be fun...to be honest, they are gonna be really hard. But when it's all said and done, life is good.
7. If you ever go looking for your heart's desire, don't look any further than your own backyard.
OK - maybe I stole that one from Dorothy...
8. You really will like your sister one day.
9. You are way stronger and way smarter than you give yourself credit for being.
10. Really & seriously...don't slack off in your senior year. I mean, you will do OK...but you can do better.
:)
Today I'm listing 10 things I would tell my 16-year old self, if I could.
1. Mailboxes are often way closer to your bumper than you think.
2. Stick to your beliefs and morals - no matter what. Don't let anyone sway you from what you believe in.
3. When you do stray away from what you believe in, it's OK...God has a plan for it all.
4. Credit cards are really not a good idea.
5. Your best friend now will not be your best friend later...but God has already introduced you to your best friend later...and she's awesomer.
6. Some life experiences are not going to be fun...to be honest, they are gonna be really hard. But when it's all said and done, life is good.
7. If you ever go looking for your heart's desire, don't look any further than your own backyard.
OK - maybe I stole that one from Dorothy...
8. You really will like your sister one day.
9. You are way stronger and way smarter than you give yourself credit for being.
10. Really & seriously...don't slack off in your senior year. I mean, you will do OK...but you can do better.
:)
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