Thursday, April 28, 2011

I Dreamed of You

This is my 200th post.

Wow...200 posts ago, I wasn't even sure I'd have enough to say to keep this going.

I've thought and thought about what to do to celebrate this accomplishment.  And sometime today, I made the decision that in honor of my 200th post, I wanted to share something that I've never shared with anyone.

Not even my BFF.

But, I need to back up a bit...because I need to let you know what brought this particular item back to my thoughts.

Last week was Parenthood's season finale.  I've thoroughly enjoyed this show.  It's real.  It's just incredible.  But this particular scene really struck me...and made me think back to something that I had written in the past.

Let me set the scene for you.  Zeke's granddaughter Amber was in a car accident...an accident in which her side of the car was most impacted.  To make things worse, Amber was in the car with a 'friend' and they were both drunk and/or high (I can't specifically remember).  Even though Amber wakes up in a hospital with broken ribs, a fractured wrist and countless lacerations, she doesn't seem to grasp the seriousness of her accident or the events that brought her to be a part of the accident.

Now watch...



The line that got me was when Zeke said "I dreamt you"...and it took me back a few years.

You see, I'm a day dreamer.  I day dream about my future all the time.  What Dylan will be like.  What it would be like to be married...have a kid or two more.  I do most of my day dreaming while I'm driving.  I make up stories of what I would say to these kids that I may some day have.  At one time I did a lot of driving back & forth - taking Dylan to school...picking him up...taking him to the sitters for after school...then going back after work to pick him up.  And I did a lot of day dreaming then.

I know it sounds a little nuts...but this is my world.

And one day, I remember it just like yesterday, I was driving to Dylan's sitter's house and I remember thinking I would love to tell my future child one day that "I dreamed of him or her".  The words stuck in my head...I couldn't shake them.

And so, one night...I wrote this.

For my 200th post, I'm sharing this very special thing that I've written...I'm not sure you would necessarily call it a poem or what.  I would love one day to publish it as a children's book...but for now, I'm sharing it with this little part of my world.

Enjoy.

******************************************

I Dreamed of You

     I dreamed of you...

Before you were ever born,
I dreamed of you.

I dreamed of how it would be to have you in my belly...to feel you kicking and growing within me.

I dreamed of what it would feel like to hold you for the first time...to feel your warm body in my arms...to hear you cry and feel your hand around my finger.

     I dreamed of you.

I dreamed of what you would look like...would you have brown or blonde or black or red hair...would your eyes be blue or brown or green or some mixture? Would you have my smile..would you have Daddy's nose?

     I dreamed of you.

I dreamed of you taking your first steps...carefully...holding on to make sure you didn't fall and knowing all along that you would.

I dreamed of hearing you say "Mommy" for the first time...of hearing you say "I love you"...

     I dreamed of you.

I dreamed of how you would very bravely walk into your first big school class...how you would hold your head high...but look back to make sure I was still there. How you would need me...but not really. I dreamed of how proud I would be of you...

     I dreamed of you.

I dreamed of how you would love me and tell me silly stories...and how we would go for walks...and how you would brighten every one of my days...just by being in it.

     I dreamed of you.

And all of this I dreamed before I ever even knew you would be mine...

     but I did dream of you.

8 comments:

shortmama said...

That makes me tear up!

Ashley said...

Words can't even describe how much I love this. You can only imagine the amount of tears I've cried....this is so special. Thanks for sharing with your BFF :)
Love you!

Jen said...

This is wonderful, Jenn! Thanks for sharing! I hope all of your dreams come true. :)

Brandi said...

Awwww, so sweet. Congrats on the 200th! :)

Marianne said...

That gave me chills!!! So beautiful! It would make the perfect children's book. Thanks for sharing & congrats on 200 posts!

Brandi. said...

Absolutely beautiful!

And I'm glad I'm not the only one who "lives in a day dream". Something I've gotta share: When I was in HS, shortly after my hubby and I had met, we were fighting and I was writing, and I imagined this little girl. A beautiful Hispanic baby with long dark, curly hair, a beautiful smile and big brown eyes. I didn't realize then, that I had just met my first child and only girl. It was a amazing moment.

Congrats on your 200th post! And I LOVE Parenthood!!

Rachel said...

I LOVE this!! **wiping eyes** This is so beautiful my friend!!

I find myself daydreaming as well.

Congrats on the 200th post!!

:)
Rach

PBJdreamer said...

Jenn

JENN

This is pure love and beauty

thank you


that is all