Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out

Here's a funny thing about me...I'm a rehearser.   As in, if I know I'm going to have to have a conversation with someone, I "rehearse" that conversation in my head.  I've "rehearsed" everything from daily conversations, to what I would say to the reporters when I'm walking down the red carpet at some high brow, movie star what I will say to my guests on my wedding day.  The last two events have yet to happen...the movie star event will most likely never happen!  But, it doesn't keep me from "rehearsing"...better to be ready, right?

So, right now, I have a couple of blog posts that I'm "rehearsing" in my mind.  I was thinking of sharing one of them with you today...sort of as a "Pour Your Heart Out", but it just didn't feel right.  And this situation has come to the fore front here, here goes.

You can link up with Shell at Things I Can't Say.  And just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

I know I've shared with my regular readers that I'm a single mom.  Most of the time, when things are running smooth and calm this doesn't bother me.  I've been going the single mom way for so long (14 years) that it's what I know.  I can't say I've always done everything "alone" because I have a great family that has supported me through the last 14 years.  Truly, I have been blessed.

Recently, my brother in law was talking with my son about some things going on his family life with this brothers and mother...basically how his mother didn't come to see his kids (my niece & nephew) often, even though she lives about 10 minutes away.  To which my son replied, I know exactly how you feel. 

You see, Dylan's dad used to live in Florida - 10-12 hours away.  About three years ago, he decided to move his family to a city about one hour away from where we live.  Dylan was ecstatic.  The thing he had most wanted was to be able to see his dad more often.  And at first, he did.  He would go at least once a month for a weekend visit...we'd try to work out longer visits when he had the time off from school.  As with all "new" things, the appeal has worn off...especially as his dad seems to be less and less interested in trying to keep in touch with Dylan.

This is when I feel guilty for bringing this on my son...because, really...we made a bad choice almost 15 years ago...but Dylan didn't chose this for his life.  It is what it is.

And sometimes I wonder how someone can stay away from their kids like that?  I miss Dylan after he's been gone for about an hour...well, maybe a couple if he was really annoying me beforehand! :)  But, seriously, I don't understand parents who don't seem to want any kind of connection with their children.  I look at Dylan and think, how could I NOT want to be part of his life? 

What's worse is that I really thing his dad has heaped a lot of the responsibility for making his & Dylan's relationship "work" on Dylan.  That may just be from my perspective...but in this age of higher technology and communication alternatives, there is no excuse for him NOT to be able to "talk" to Dylan at least weekly.

When I get really aggravated with Dylan's dad, though, I try to focus on the male role models Dylan has had, and still has:

#1 - My father...we lived with my parents for almost 12 years.  Everything "manly" that Dylan knows has been learned from my dad - i.e. fishing, peeing standing up, shaving, etc.  Dylan enjoys spending time with my dad because my dad has proved over and over to Dylan that Dylan is important to him...that he's a priority in his life...that he will most often drop anything, if possible, to do something with Dylan.  I was blessed with a great father...and Dylan has been blessed with a wonderful role model in his life.

#2 - My brother-in-law...ironically, my BIL grew up much the same way that Dylan has.  His own father left his family when he was very young and his mom was the sole parent in his life.  He know first hand how it feels to grow up without a father in the house.  I have a great deal of respect for him...because his family, especially his kids, come first in his life.  He values family time above all else and strives to make every event in his childrens' lives, including even the smallest things like doctors appointments.  I mean, truly, my sis could handle those on her own, but he always goes with her if he can work it out workwise.  And, he too has invested time in Dylan's life.  He took Dylan to a golf tournament last year and even shuttled him to soccer practice last week.  Again, my sister and my family have been blessed to have him a part of our lives.

#3 - My best friend's hubby...I can't even tell you all the times that this man has "been there" for my kid.  He has known Dylan since Dylan was three years old.  They have fished together, hunted together, talked endless hours about who knows what, they've spent an entire day playing Lego Star Wars (and when I say an entire day - I mean they began playing at 9am and didn't stop for anything until 3pm) and who knows what else.  Dylan (& I too) have been blessed that he married my best friend and has become such a dear friend...and an excellent role model for Dylan.

#4 - Sunday School teachers...ever since Dylan was a baby, every year except one, he has had a male Sunday School teacher.  I truly believe this has been God's way of making sure that, if all else fails, he has some male influence in his life.

I could probably list a dozen more men that have made an impact on Dylan's life, but I won't.  The point is, I am thankful that, in spite of the choice I made so long ago, Dylan will not go without male influence in his life.  And I am thankful for every guy who has invested in his life so far.  They have truly been a blessing from God on our lives and I know that whatever Dylan has missed from his father (which at this point, I'm going to say "not much"), he's getting from very good, Godly influences.


Shell said...

It sounds like he really has had some amazing influences in his life!

Rachel said...

God has blessed you with wonderful men to help influence your son in a positive way!! :) God also blessed your son with a wonderful mother!! :)

Thanks for tagging me, check out my post from today for my answers!!


Melissa said...

Even if his real dad is sub-par it sounds like there are many other wonderful men in his life (which is a wonderful thing).

- Melissa

Anonymous said...

That is so great that he has so many wonderful role models. I don't understand why some parents choose to not have a relationship with their child(ren). It is a very sad choice. You are a great mom. Dylan is a lucky guy.

Jen said...

You sound like such a great mom! Your kiddo is lucky to have you in his life, along with all of the strong, supportive male figures he has.

Dylan's dad has to live his life knowing he wasn't a huge role model in his son's childhood and that, to me, is sad. Especially when he sees how awesome his son turned out and realizes he can't take much credit for it. :)

Michelle Pixie said...

It sounds like you are doing a really great job! He is surrounded by so much love. I can honestly say I know exactly what Dylan is going through and he is still so young and just wants to make his dad proud and feel his love, in a few years he will find peace in knowing that his dad is really the one missing out! xxoo

Sarah said...

First of all, Dylan has a great mom, which can make up for a lot! Second, it's really awesome that he has such great male role models in his life!

Syndal said...

Stopping by from Follow me, Chickadee! I like reading your stories! Thanks for sharing about your son-my nephew doesn't have the greatest role model in his father & we hope he can look to his uncles and his grandpa as he grows up too:)